


an interruption in vampire seduction

by laeveleve



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Established Relationship, Implications of smut, M/M, almost, but im a coward, getting caught, i wrote this for no reason other than my own enjoyment, so youre welcome, the mage has bad timing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27106366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laeveleve/pseuds/laeveleve
Summary: Simon and Baz can have a little privacy in their room at the top of a tower, right? Wrong.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 9
Kudos: 216





	an interruption in vampire seduction

**_Simon_ **

  
  


It’s Friday afternoon — a personal favourite for me. It’s early enough in the weekend that I can pretend I don’t have homework, and Penny lets me off instead of forcing me to study with her at the library. I’m free, for once — and so is Baz.

Wrenching Baz away from his schoolwork on a weeknight is like trying to accurately swing the Sword of Mages with your arms tied behind your back (that happened to me, which is why I can contest to its complete  _ impossibility _ .) He spends so much time hunched over his desk that I really don’t understand how he doesn’t have permanent back pain. (Not that he’d admit it if he did.)

It’s  _ Friday afternoon _ , though, and I make a compelling argument by exiting the bathroom after my shower wearing only a towel. It’s not very long before I’ve managed to relocate him; from his hard wooden desk chair to his previously meticulously made bed. 

We sunk beneath the covers at some point — I think Baz complained he was cold when I took off his shirt — and we’ve been kissing so long that I know my mouth is going to be sore later. I can’t find it in me to care.

It’s hot, and I think I need to pull away to breathe but I really don’t want to, and there’s a knock at the door, and something hard pressed against my hip — and — 

Wait.

I haven’t even processed the unexpected sound before Baz has gripped both my shoulders and shoved me off him. He’s staring at me all wild-eyed, looking like a deer caught in headlights. I stare back.

Baz’s voice is barely louder than a whisper. “Who—”

“Simon?” A voice sounds on the other side of the door. The voice of—

“Oh, fuck.” I hiss, and then Baz and I are both in a frenzy to save our arses, because the Mage is outside the door, and we’re both  _ extremely fucking naked.  _ Baz shoves me away like it’s somehow going to help me to get up, but my feet are tangled in his bedsheets, and I almost knee him in the groin as I stumble onto my feet and take half the bedcovers with me.

“Simon, I know you’re in there. I’m coming in.” The Mage says, calmly but sternly, as if he isn’t standing on the other side of the door to where his protégée and worst enemy’s son were just in bed together. I could actually curse him. He’s never once actually asked before barging into our room; Baz says that it’s verging on criminal.

“Wait, sir, I’m coming!” I call.

Baz hasn’t even had a chance to get up before I’m grabbing his clothes from where they’d been strewn across the floor and tugging them on myself. They’re a little small; I’m both wider and shorter than Baz. His trousers must look ridiculous on me; tugging around my thighs and ending too far over my feet.

“Snow!” Baz hisses. “Very kind of you to leave me naked and exposed while you steal my clothes!” 

“I left mine in the bathroom!” I respond, a little manically.

“Simon, I’m coming in.” The Mage’s disembodied voice warns, and I don’t even think before I rush to the door and wrench it open myself, just enough that he can see me, and not Baz.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Baz throw himself back into his bed so fast I think he might have actually teleported. His startled eyes fix on me for a moment before he wrenches the bedsheets over his head and disappears.

“Sir.” I say, and my voice cracks nervously. I pray the Mage doesn’t notice.

“Simon.” The Mage’s forehead is wrinkled.  _ Fuck.  _ I’m acting well suspicious, blocking Baz’s bed from view like I’m hiding it. (Which, I am.) “May I come in?”

“Uh — Baz is sleeping, sir. Sorry.”

“Mister Pitch can sleep through the night like everyone else. If you don’t mind, Simon.” And he lays a hand on the door to push it open. I’ve run out of excuses — I let him; let him see the huddled shape of Baz curled under the covers like a child afraid of the monsters under his bed. 

“Mister Pitch.” The Mage says, a little too loudly for the space we’re in. 

Baz hesitates, like if he stays very still the Mage will forget that he’s there, then he shifts and the top of his head appears above the blanket. His eyes are wide, and there’s a tuft of hair sticking up at the side of his head where I was carding my fingers through it not five minutes before. “Sir.” He says, with no actual respect whatsoever. I’m astounded that he can still pull off contempt so well when he’s literally hiding his naked body behind a blanket so the Mage doesn’t know that he’s currently shagging his Heir. 

“Could you give us a moment alone, Mister Pitch? I have something I would like to discuss with Simon privately.” I have to resist putting my head in my hands.  _ We’re so fucked.  _

If it’s even possible for Baz’s eyes to have widened further, they now have. He’s glancing back and forth between the Mage and I as if I’m going to come up with some kind of solution. I can practically hear his thoughts.  _ Think on your feet, Snow! Aren’t you supposed to be good in fast-paced situations? _ Though honestly, the look on his face (or, the half of it I can see) kind of just looks like it’s saying ‘ _ Help!’. _

I’ve got nothing. My brain has done a complete shutdown. 

“I’d prefer not to, actually.” Baz says, surprisingly steady. His voice is muffled by how closely he’s holding the bedcovers. I almost want to laugh, in an unhinged, horrified kind of way. 

“Mister Pitch—” The Mage says, sounding exasperated, “—if you could just cooperate, I’m sure it would make both our lives a lot easier.”

_ Like hell it would. Not now. _

Baz’s eye twitches like he’s thinking the exact same thing. I’m staring at the floor, like maybe Penny will materialise from it and give me some kind of logical fucking idea. Some clue of how to escape a situation where your mentor and the closest thing you have to a father is about to see your boyfriend naked. 

Penny doesn’t appear. (I notice Baz’s undies on the floor half way under my bed, though, and do an awkward little shuffle to kick them further under.)

Baz looks like he’s about to lose his mind. “I’m afraid I—”

I turn abruptly to the Mage. “Actually sir, I was just heading out. Could we, uh — talk on the way to the dinner hall, instead?”  _ Please, please, please say yes. _

It’s obviously not exactly what the Mage wanted, but he’s exasperated enough by arguing with Baz, and he huffs. “Fine. Come on then, Simon.”

“I’ll, uh — I’ll meet you outside. I’ve got to. Uh… Bathroom.” I stutter, and the Mage raises his hand like he’s commanding me to stop making a fool of myself. He turns and walks out the door without another word.

This time, I actually do plant my face in my hands. 

“You couldn’t have thought of that a little faster?” Baz hisses. I look up at him. The blanket has fallen around his shoulders.  _ Crowley.  _ It’s a good job he kept the thing so high up; the base of his neck is covered in lovebites.

“I’m sorry.” I groan. “I can’t believe that he almost…”

“Crowley, don’t say it. I don’t ever need to hear or think of this experience again.” 

I look down at my shirt — Baz’s shirt. It’s hanging out over the too-long trousers. I look in the mirror on my wardrobe door, and see that it’s buttoned completely wrong. 

“Snow, get out there and talk to your Mage,  _ please.  _ I’m not leaving this bed until I’m certain he’s not coming back.” Baz pleads. 

I look at him in the mirror. “I’m still wearing your—”

“ _ It doesn’t matter. _ ” He interrupts. “Just  _ go.” _

“Fine, I’m going.” I shuffle into my shoes and lean over to kiss him on the forehead. “Continue this later, yeah?”

“No chance. The Mage has ruined sex forever.”

I can’t help but snort. I turn back to Baz with my set hand on the door handle. “We’ll see about that.” And I march out to face the Mage.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!
> 
> this is one of my favourite tropes, honestly -- it's just hilarious to me. i couldn't resist writing this as soon as i pictured baz with his head poking out of the bedsheets (not sure what spawned that image in my head, but anyway)


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